Dear Abby: My younger brother, "Paul," is 40 and in a rut. He became friends with a friend of mine, "Mitch," whom I met in college. Paul also became good friends with Mitch's wife, "Iris." After a year of close friendship, my brother made a pass at Mitch's wife during a BBQ. He was promptly asked to leave, and they have ceased contact with him.
It has been a year since Mitch spoke to Paul. Mitch has no interest in rekindling the relationship. My brother is convinced that Mitch's wife will leave her husband for him, despite the fact that there has been no communication and she never expressed an interest.
Paul has a longtime therapist who is aware of the issue. I'm concerned that my brother is wasting his life pining after someone who is not an option for him. He has never been married, doesn't have children and lives in an isolated mountain area. He is also jobless and mostly living off an inheritance. I know all of this because it's all Paul ever talks about.
Today, I told him I'm done entertaining this delusion and won't talk to him until he makes some changes. I know I'm venting, but I need to know if I made the right move. Did I?
-- Witness to a Disaster
Dear Witness: I don't think you should completely cease contact with your very mixed-up brother. I do think that if Paul turns a conversation to the subject of Iris, you would be doing him a favor to point out that a relationship with her isn't going to happen. Then turn the conversation toward things that might help him, including finding a job that will make him less isolated and booking more sessions with his therapist.
Previously
Dear Abby: My friend's new braless look makes me cringe as her 'headlights' shine
Dear Abby: I'm working hard in therapy, but will my daughter ever forgive me?
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, California 90069. Copyright 2025, Andrews McMeel Syndication.