Let's get one thing right here: Golden Girls is an iconic TV show filled with amazing moments. It wasn't just iconic because of the amazing Betty White, either. It was one of the first TV shows to feature a bunch of older women who had fun living together.
In recent years, there have been a couple of major trends I've noticed taking hold in America: For starters, marriage is down. Women and men are both avoiding marriage, often for similar reasons. Dating and marriage are risky. For many of them, the juice ain't worth the squeeze.
Secondly, having kids is increasingly undesirable. Between the risk of becoming a single parent, the lack of social safety nets, the extreme cost of childcare, and the horrible way we treat parents, it's not surprising that people are saying no to parenthood.
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Thirdly, friendship is the new status symbol. Being able to say you actually hang out with friends and even have friends IRL is a big deal these days.
Fourth, loneliness is becoming a serious problem. Financially speaking, most people can't live on their own. They need to band together just to make ends meet. If you're lonely, that's bad news for your wallet.
Finally, roommates are becoming common for people well into their 30s and 40s. A lot of people don't have a choice in the matter.
The whole "dating, marriage, kids" script isn't working for a lot of us. Some of us cannot afford a home of our own in any sense of the word. So, what's going to end up happening?
Well, I may have already lived it -- or rather, a real rough form of it. In certain scenes I was in during my twenties, it was commonplace for us not to have good ties with our families. So, we'd often pool our funds together. We would rotate places to squat, sometimes packing as many as six to 15 to a room.
My first apartment was a studio apartment. There were three of us there until that went to the garbage with one bad squatter. The total square footage was under 200 square feet. Think about that.
Living packed like that was difficult. You often would see your roommates without clothes. Or you'd have to deal with them smoking or injecting various substances while you're trying to work. But the rent was cheap.
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Some of us called them "covenant houses" because the blood of the covenant was thicker than the water of the womb. Others called it "squats," "chosen family," "tribes," "traps," or "sets."
When we'd be "out" (homeless), someone would tell us, "Hey, I know a covenant house nearby. You can squat with them for the night. Then, keep it moving to the next."
It kept us warm, bathed, and sheltered in a world that often didn't care if we lived or died. If you've ever been in a similar situation, you already know how important your social ties can be. Truthfully, those weren't sustainable -- but a much more wholesome version is.
My friends are talking about buying houses or even investing in full, tiny home developments together so that they can pool money, do chores, and more. So far, I've seen my friends and acquaintances choose (or work toward choosing) the solutions below:
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With the shrinking size of family units, having an extended family living together is becoming a rarity. Friends, though? That's becoming more commonplace -- especially when it comes to multi-family units.
Something is refreshing and comforting knowing that you have friends who don't judge, can pull their weight, and also will act like family when romance isn't in the cards. And honestly? It's a smart move to stave off loneliness.
I've heard more than one friend of mine say, "You know how they had all those old ladies hanging out together in retirement? That's a life goal, right there."
Growing up, I always found it so strange that families always seemed to have to be blood-related. Around me, everyone had the same last names. The goal was to get married so you'd find "your person" and then have the family you want.
Though that's a nice thought, it didn't match up to my reality. I saw plenty of dysfunctional families -- from parents who hated their kids with a passion to relatives who abused everyone around them to kids who were genuine dangers to their parents.
It made no sense to me that people would stay around these situations willingly. When I'd ask people why they stuck with those people, they'd always shrug and say, "Well, you can't choose your family. I have to stay with them. They're my family."
Can't you choose them? I thought that's what dating and marriage were. It's not like you're going to marry your uncle or something, right? So, why can't we decide that our friends are family members too?
And if a family can't be chosen, then what's adoption? Because I can tell you, that my adopted family is just as real as my blood family. I care about them. I love them. They love me too.
The old vanguard of American values is killing itself off. Marriage is dropping. Dating is an increasingly rare and unenjoyable experience. Having a mom, dad, and two kids with a Golden Retriever is going to be the exception, not the rule.
Yet, we are going to need people to survive, perhaps more than ever before. When family and romance fail us, it's often our friends who end up being our saviors. And from there? Well, they can be family -- even if they aren't related to us.
I, for one, can't wait to see more friends banding together as family units. It might be what saves our country.
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